Spider-Man 3: Net-works???

Sony Pictures’ Spider-Man 3 hit the screens in India with a record 588 prints on the 4th of May 2007। Of this, the number of English prints is a mere 162 compared with the dubbed Hindi version being released with 261 prints, followed by 78 prints for Tamil and Telugu। While 3 prints have been released in the IMAX format, 6 prints have been brought out for the privileged Bhojpuri masses। (Source: Economic Times) Two successful sagas, historic box-office collections, two vanquished villains, spanking brand rejuvenation, and plenty of anticipation – Spider-Man 3 had to surpass the unmatched precedents of its antecedents। It sure has more to offer than before; 3 horrendous villains, a longer movie, two costumes for Spider-Man, lot of drama, and of course - a double-chin for Tobey Maguire। It lacks the quick narrative of Episode 1 and ends up being a lot like Episode 2 – dry and drab. The movie is peppered with refrains of feel-good dialogues and dilemmatic discourses. Spider-Man 3 packs in more drama than the quintessential punch and ends up being a 3 hour sermonizing session. The English version didn’t appeal to me personally. I opine it would be more interesting to watch it in the regional languages. What would the villains be called? Green Goblin or Hara Haiwan, Dr. Octavius or Doctor Ashtabaahu, Sandman or Retibandar, Venom or Vish-wanaath. According to ‘Mumbai Mirror’ with the inimitable Ravi Kissen dubbing for Toby Maguire in Bhojpuri, this is what Spider-Man would sound like – “Hum maakad maanav hain. Hum udkar aayab aur tohaar tetuva dabaa deb!”(I am Spider-Man. I’ll come charging at you, and throttle you to death.) I am sure that would be worth watching! Here is my conjecture, what the Hindi version would be like: Uncle Ben’s (Banwari Chacha) distinct – “With great power comes great responsibility” in Hindi would be something like this: Jis tarah Suhaagan apne suhaag ke bina adhoori hoti hai, Usi tarah apaar shakti zimmedaari ke saath hi poori hoti hai! “It is about making choices” - This is what Spidey would be saying to himself in Hindi, Musibat mein apne dil ki suno, Aur phir sahi paryaay chuno, Bhagwaan se yehi duaa ha ki, Tum hameshaa shaandaar jaal buno! Sony Pictures could cash in on the Spider-Man franchise. Corporate franchises would be an economically viable option to market the web weaver’s merchandise. Dedicated outlets catering to Spider-Man related paraphernalia would make for a successful commercial investment. The stores could be innovatively christened ‘Web World’. These would sell toys, outfits, t-shirts, DVDs (regional, too), games, books, posters, coffee mugs, etc. all based on the web-wonder. The catch-line of the store could be – “Jaal ki baazi lagaane waale ko JAALBAAZ kehte hain!” Finally, for the song-fanatic audience, the following item number could be thrown in at the end of the movie. It would have girls gushing over Spider-Man as he swings around the city to save damsels-in-distress. The tune is courtesy the song “Mirchi re Mirchi” from the movie “Jurmana” starring Mithun Chakraborty and Rambha. Makda, oye makda, Kamaal kar gaya. Dil ko churake mere, Bura haal kar gaya! Or maybe models singing paeans of praises by rendering the following song set to the tune of ‘Kajra Re’, from ‘Bunty aur Babli’ starring Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai! Makda re makda re, Mujhe tune kyun pakda re? Jakda re, jakda re, Baahon mein kyun jakda re? I am sure, with such value-additions; Spider-Man would continue to cast a spell on the worldwide web of people. Any other suggestions?